Monday, January 26, 2009

I "F-ing" give up!

When will it all end? I need a job, that's a given. BUT... the onslaught of bills is too much! $600 past due in electric (never mind the 'cut off' notices I receive because I HOPE the $100 I send them a month will be enough to keep it on), Sophie's surgery is going to cost $1,600 - $1,800, I just finished my taxes and I OWE the federal government $150 (!!!! - I haven't owed taxes in over 15 years!), I have a roommate that NEEDS-TO-GO!, and the men in my life are less than attentive. I mean, hell..really... with 2-3... even if one is long distance - you would think there would be enough attention to keep a gal happy. NOT!

And the more my roommate is around (Oh, have I mentioned he is now here 24/7 because he got FIRED in November? Who allows that to happen in this economy!), has no life and now his kids are here more than twice a week and his lack of cleanliness and eating every meal upstairs (don't get me started... it's about little "critters" and cleanliness/hygiene) have pushed me over the edge. It's bad enough he wore out his welcome months ago, but now I feel like I'm living in my own HELL! And, try as I might, the few bites I've had to even look at the place have fallen through.

IT'S TOO MUCH!!! I find myself crying more frequently from all of the frustration and have no support or outlet, after all. I wanted to get out more and socialize more this year. I use to be very active in the arts community and at fund raisers, but I haven't attended anything in a couple years because of everything I was going through before. On the down side, those things also take money. I thought everything would get much easier when I finally paid off my bankruptcy almost 2 years ago and felt like I had a fresh start. It was a clean slate for me. But, I think the BIGGEST mistake I made was "paying it forward". I let this schlep move in who pays only $625 a month toward EVERYTHING, but when he moved in - my utilities went up 125%! Now, it feels worse than before. It's going to take me FOREVER to get out of this hole if I don't find a new roommate - AND FAST! I always thought paying it forward was a good thing! It's been a HUGE mistake!

THANK YOU for letting me vent. It's been a very difficult few days....

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