DEEP thoughts....

Ok, so this entry may make some uncomfortable, and if you don't want to read about my sex life (or lack there of) then just stop reading now (.... but you know you want to... especially those men still trying to figure other women and me out!). Oddly enough, it's not about "sex", but the emotion of sex (does that make sense?). A lot of you have mentioned how much you admire the fact that I can lay out some of my most inner thoughts, so why let you down :). Plus, other bloggers (or friends) may be thinking the same thing and perhaps they can relate. But, something said to me a while back has just been sticking with me....

I was having an 'intimate' moment with one of my friends; he's one of the ones I've been seeing the longest. Contrary to assumptions, we have yet to "go there". Now, most men just come out and say "I wanna **** you" or "Let's have sex"; you know, nothing too intimate or personal, per se. Just a guy being a guy and keeping their distance. But, in this instance, he said "I want to make love with you" (and for those critical ones who are wondering [mom] no, we didn't-which I'm fine with). I have to admit, I was stunned to hear those words. I honestly couldn't tell you the last time a man said that to me- if ever! I was touched. But, it also got me thinking after the fact.

I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I 'made love'? Sure, being single is great, but there are those pitfalls. Yes, I was engaged not that long ago, but to be honest, under the circumstances, seeing as the man I was with wasn't even "real"-for all intensive purposes, his whole facade was a con - I can't say that any intimate moments we had together had any kind of meaning. Sex, for the most part, is what it is. Two people joining together, creating a moment, having a release of energy, and then that's it. There is the cuddling and kissing, which is always nice. But, that moment when you truly feel drawn to that person and like you are the only two people in the world.... I'm not sure? I know it exists, but does everyone get it in their life... for keeps? Or, is it a rare thing that happens to a selective few?

I know I've come close, only to have it cut short for one reason or another (which I won't detail, but it's not for lack of performance, as one may assume). There is that moment where you think "this could be it" (the one) and ... you just know. MANY years ago, with my first fiancee, I remember what it was like, but even that is a very distant memory at this point. Again, a several years back I felt it, only to have it end abruptly (that one still lingers.. and sadly keeps me single to this day).

Is it sad or pitiful to think that a woman such as myself could go this long in life and not "make love" with someone that she trusted and loved, and have the same in return? I'm not asking for pity, by ANY means but, and I hope I don't sound vain, when there is someone such as myself who is so giving and loving toward others and often too generous for her own good with a good heart, is it abnormal to lack that one thing in their life? You see it all around you, the happy couples, the ones that - despite their problems - truly love each other and can create that cocoon when intimate together. Nuns don't count, sorry.

I'm not reading much into what he said, or even what it meant. I'm sure it was just 'his' way of saying it. Heck, I guess he's more in touch with his 'feminine' side than most men... and don't take that the wrong way. He's MUCH more of a man then most I encounter. What was that song years ago.. Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? He's a man in the best sense; not only is he rugged and handsome, but he's a hard worker, a good man, open minded, smart, funny, has a heart, has a conscience, and is good with his hands (NO, not like that!-lol), and a few other things I won't put here, for identity reasons. :)

But, outside of married couples (you don't count, sorry; if you aren't - not CAN'T - "making love" I can't help ya with that), when was the last time a single person ACTUALLY made love??? I can't help but wonder if I'm in my own little arena on this one....