True Beauty

I had this posted on Facebook and due to a thread of comments related to it about a status, I wanted to post it here as well.

Anyone who knows me knows that I CAN'T STAND reality TV! Survivor, Fear Factor, The Bachelor/Bachelorette... it's ALL bogus! The more popular they get, the more fake they get. I think the only real Bachelorette candidate was that Zora (Zara...whatever her name was....). The on these shows are HARDLY All-American and are typically quite egotistical and backstabbing. They are basically spin-off's of Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones. Then again, the older I get, the more I see the term of "All-American" change as I watch those around me; the boy and girls next door are things of the past.

So, when I saw a commercial for yet ANOTHER reality show, I first groaned... until I found out the real premise behind it! Sure, ALL of the "beauties" on there were artificial - heck, with enough make up, plastic surgery and hours at the gym because you HAVE the time can make anyone a beauty. BUT.... what these judges were looking for was REAL beauty... what is inside of you. Are you a back stabbing, bitter, jealous, hateful person quick to snap and judge (like SO many I have come across in Richmond and was blind enough at one point to call friends), or, do you let things go and are you a better person because of it? (Mantra: Open Mind, Open Heart)

I actually tuned in to watch the first episode. I was HOPING they would have some "real people" on there; they didn't. I guess it would be too easy. So, you had what many would define "a bombshell" or someone with a "rockin' body", but then proceeded to put things quickly in perspective. In this episode, their faces and bodies were measured by 'statistical numbers'. I don't remember their names, of course (I'm always terrible with names, but I usually get the first initial right! - lol), but the black guy pretty much nailed it when he said you really can't measure beauty with numbers (they also showed a deep, heartfelt side to him... I'm curious now).

In the end, it boiled down to VERY simple things. Did any of the contestants look at the folders of the others details and ratings by the doctor who evaluated them (they were all laying out in plain sight), what kind of things did they say about others publicly and in private, what kind of attitudes they had and, at the very end (a NO brainer), did they offer to open the door for and help a guy with full hands? I could tell right off the bat a couple that would be on the wire, they reminded me so much of people I once knew.

I'm interested to see the final outcome, and may be surprised at my first impressions. As I've gotten older, I've learned that it's not really what is on the outside that matters as much as what is on the inside and your TRUE character. I spent a lot of my youth getting pictures taken, portfolio shots, pageants and the like. It wasn't until a car accident, giving me a few facial scars and breaking my back that I slowly understood what REALLY mattered. Things can be taken away from you in an INSTANT! Over time, you change, your body changes, your life changes and most importantly, your heart changes. I can be comfortable with who I am or let the opinions of others shame me into being ashamed of what I look like, and become a 'coke head' or spend hours at the gym (wouldn't that amount of free time be GREAT!) like many of these opinionated, fake, entities that flit around me. Either your heart grows until it bursts with compassion and empathy for others and become more concerned about your INNER beauty, or, you can "pretend" to be someone you aren't and let your true colors show.... your true 'beauty'.

What is "real" beauty?

I came across this picture on a blog today. It reminded me not only of the show, but of a comment I heard a while back, "the chick with the rockin' body and the ugly face". So many things go through your mind when you listen to what others say or read what they write, either obvious or not so much so. Many would look at this picture and think "My god! Why don't they look like that all the time? They're HOT!" Then others, such as myself, look at it and think "Hell! Good for them, they are comfortable enough to be THEMSELVES!". Sure, I look great when I dress up and put make-up on, but I am just as comfortable being ME without that. I don't care if I go out in sweats and no make up to go shopping or run errands. The only beauty I'm really concerned with now-a-days is my inner beauty.... and the men I "see" (who, by the way, are HOT for those who keep count ;) ) see that in me first and foremost (ok, maybe it's the big boobs :D, but the mental stimulation and my heart keep them coming back, as I'm frequently reminded). Some of them have seen me as what I - and many others - would consider "my worst"; flannel PJ or sweat pants, sweatshirt, hair in a ponytail, no make up and glasses on. Heck, one even stopped by when I was sick! But, it hasn't scared them away yet... that or they're a better con-artist than my last fiancée (am I not right, Sandy? - ha,ha).

So, here's to the REAL beauties out there! The Dove "beauties", the size 10 and over gals, the women with hearts of gold, the woman who goes out in public in her sweats and doesn't care what she looks like, the mom's who work their asses off all day with the kids (sometimes screaming and fighting), people with medical issues that keep them from being a Size 2 or 0 (and what's up with the "0" anyway... as if 2 isn't small enough? When I was smaller than a 2 -YES REALLY - I wore CHILDREN'S clothes because they didn't come any smaller... and I was in high school! CHILDREN"S CLOTHING... THAT should be the statement!), and those who know being the center of attention isn't as important as being true to yourself and those around you.... salute!

Finally 2009!!!

I was recently informed that an "update is woefully overdue" (ya think?).. so this one's for "you"...

2008 is FINALLY over and short of a new friend or two and becoming reacquainted with some old ones, I couldn't be HAPPIER to put it behind me! I have a lot in store so far for 2009 and though I have them all written down, they aren't in any kind of order and I'm not to sure where to start. Of course, most importantly would be to get a full-time, well paying job with benefits! without that, I won't be able to accomplish any of the other things unless I find an Angel Investor (new terminology for a new venture).

My new venture, you ask? Thanks to a very supportive former "boss"/ wonderful new friend, I'm going to actually make a go of a new venture doing something I'm very good at. I have to actually give credit where credit is due. For the most part, I'm way too humble and when it comes to having faith in myself, it tends to be a little low. But, when others have faith in what I can do, it's like a drug. I know I'm good at what I do, but there is that part of me that always doubts it. So, for better or worse, I'll hopefully introducing "Uniquely Yours" this year. (thanks, Kelly!)

What is it, you ask? In the words I put on my business cards "Cards, announcements, invitations and gifts with a personal touch". If you received my holiday card, that's what started it all. From there, it basically took off. In short, it's a "celebratory package" of sorts. In addition to the announcements/invites/cards, you get an option of other things as well: personalized glasses (wine, martini, tumbler, etc), memory boxes, shadow boxes, picture frames and the like. I'm still in the production stage right now - which, in a way, it's good I'm still looking for a job as it's allowing my creative juices to flow - and hope to have a good head start to
get a sample book together.

My little Sophie needs surgery. And though the vet said I could make payments, it wasn't until I went to schedule it that I was hit with the "Yeah, but we need half up front and the balance needs to be paid in 3 months". I'm feeling TERRIBLY guilty now and like a horrible mother having to postpone it until a miracle happens, after what I went through with Jake. I was given several other suggestions, thanks to Craig's List (one even being a "walk-a-thon" to raise the funds; though I'm not sure how receptive people would be), but with everything else I'm dealing with, this making it the third is a bit much. Unfortunately, with her slight heart murmur, everything needs to be done at once (several teeth pulled, growth on gum removed and mammary tumors removed). My vet is quoting a high end of $1,800, which includes testing the tissue. Cold hearted people have suggested putting her down, but if you've met her, you KNOW that's not an option! She is happy and outside of those things, healthy! So, I would have to say that is probably my BIGGEST stress right now.




I'm also "cleaning house". I simply tired and worn out doing all of the work myself and having to constantly repeat myself on simple matters and just blatant disregard. Not only that, I continue to go in debt and have a LARGE and growing "balance owed" on the electric bill that I simply can't carry any more. So, everything is going to change, starting with taking my life back. Keep your ears open and pass any referrals on; I MAY even offer up a finders fee?

I've also resolved to get out more and get back the social life I put on the back burner for the past two years. I virtually stopped going to fund raisers, benefits and social events while trying to deal with my own "issues" and I think the healthy thing is to get back out there and work on networking again. Not only that, I may make some new business contacts and single friends (what I wouldn't GIVE for more single friends)!

And, of course, the big question you ladies and family ALWAYS have... and I wonder why you beat that dead horse (can't you just give it a rest; don't you know I'll shot it from the roof tops IF it ever happens)? Yes, I'm "seeing" someone... actually a couple of men (hmm, one of them almost a year!). NO, I do not hear wedding bells (you would think after the two I was engaged to before you wouldn't even ask that!). I'm content with what I'm involved in at the moment. Sure, it gets lonely, but it's working for the most part. I already lost the love of my life (yes, he does exist) and I'm pretty sure he has no intentions of returning in that aspect, so I'll live with what I can get. It's odd. You think about what you go through in relationships, the love and the loss... and I'd have to say, doing without is MUCH less painful. I can deal with lonely a lot easier than heartbreak; that's just something I never seem to get over. Truth be known, I'm not as tough as nails as I portray (though I do wear a good mask; it's mastery after a lifetime of doing so) and am a BIG softy at heart. And no, I haven't figured out men (and they haven't begun to figure me out), but removing the layers to the mystery sure is fun (lol - yes, there is a pun intended)!

So, all of that said.... I hope you have something exciting planned for 2009! I would LOVE to climb back out of the debt I've been pushed back into in the past year and a half (and here I thought when I came out of bankruptcy that was the start), I'd like to make a trip to England to visit a new friend and catch up with an old one, and I'd love to learn how to move on past some things. Everything comes in it's own time, though; if I've learned anything, the universe has a much different time frame than I do. Salute and here's to the successes and inner strength we all need to make it through another year :).

It's been a while....

It's been awhile, hasn't it? What can I say, my life has kept me on the roller coaster that IS life. I've been employed, unemployed, employed and unemployed again. At this point, I just take everything in stride and don't worry. I know I would normally stress more than this - especially at THIS time of the year, but what can you do? The universe has it's own plan and we're just along for the ride. So, yes, I'm unemployed again, but looking for work and doing as much babysitting as I can fit in and odd jobs here and there until something clicks. It's a really tough job market in Richmond right now since Wachovia relocated in the summer- leaving many unemployed, Circuit City layed off 1000's and, other businesses are closing their doors at least once a week. What I wouldn't give to be a stay at home mom (ha! me married!?!) or to be a kept woman right about now (ooo, that's promising... that would mean NO ROOMMATE :)! ).

Let's see... that pretty much covered the "professional" life... and the personal life? I don't kiss and tell (lol). Let's just say I'm having the time of my life with the guys in it and only wish I could spend more time with them (and for all my "moms and big sisters" out there, no I'm not with all of them ;)....). I may be selling myself short with them, but they each have their individual qualities that I enjoy and are all friends, first and foremost (but, I hate to admit- I do have a favorite).

All of this free time has lead to me painting and drawing again. I have a "pet project" sketch I've been working on (with some sentimental inspiration) that is turning out better than I anticipated. I'm even REALLY surprised at how well the faces are turning out! Though they don't look all together like the real people, I've really seemed to get the features down like never before; I've really surprised myself as facial features have ALWAYS been a big challenge of mine. Though, I don't know if I'll be sharing it with anyone, probably just framing and hanging in my room. The painted pieces I've done and am working on are all on display (FOR SALE... GREAT GIFTS - *hint hint, wink, wink*) at Crossroads Art Center.

That's about it. My birthday is tomorrow - ooo, yeah, 38 this year... yes really. I'm hoping all of my birthday wishes come true this year, and so far it looks like we're off to a good start. We actually had light snow flurries early last week (nothing that stuck) so I guess I could count that as snow for my birthday if I really wanted to. If things goes as planned tomorrow, that's another wish I can mark off (no, I'm not sharing). The only big one would be a job... *sigh*. Celebrating the 'real' day tomorrow night and then just a casual, social gathering on Friday night with friends and children - what's a party without kids! Outside of that- same ole, different day.

I'm off now. I have babysitting to get to and a couple of errands to run before hand. Love to all!