Finally 2009!!!

I was recently informed that an "update is woefully overdue" (ya think?).. so this one's for "you"...

2008 is FINALLY over and short of a new friend or two and becoming reacquainted with some old ones, I couldn't be HAPPIER to put it behind me! I have a lot in store so far for 2009 and though I have them all written down, they aren't in any kind of order and I'm not to sure where to start. Of course, most importantly would be to get a full-time, well paying job with benefits! without that, I won't be able to accomplish any of the other things unless I find an Angel Investor (new terminology for a new venture).

My new venture, you ask? Thanks to a very supportive former "boss"/ wonderful new friend, I'm going to actually make a go of a new venture doing something I'm very good at. I have to actually give credit where credit is due. For the most part, I'm way too humble and when it comes to having faith in myself, it tends to be a little low. But, when others have faith in what I can do, it's like a drug. I know I'm good at what I do, but there is that part of me that always doubts it. So, for better or worse, I'll hopefully introducing "Uniquely Yours" this year. (thanks, Kelly!)

What is it, you ask? In the words I put on my business cards "Cards, announcements, invitations and gifts with a personal touch". If you received my holiday card, that's what started it all. From there, it basically took off. In short, it's a "celebratory package" of sorts. In addition to the announcements/invites/cards, you get an option of other things as well: personalized glasses (wine, martini, tumbler, etc), memory boxes, shadow boxes, picture frames and the like. I'm still in the production stage right now - which, in a way, it's good I'm still looking for a job as it's allowing my creative juices to flow - and hope to have a good head start to
get a sample book together.

My little Sophie needs surgery. And though the vet said I could make payments, it wasn't until I went to schedule it that I was hit with the "Yeah, but we need half up front and the balance needs to be paid in 3 months". I'm feeling TERRIBLY guilty now and like a horrible mother having to postpone it until a miracle happens, after what I went through with Jake. I was given several other suggestions, thanks to Craig's List (one even being a "walk-a-thon" to raise the funds; though I'm not sure how receptive people would be), but with everything else I'm dealing with, this making it the third is a bit much. Unfortunately, with her slight heart murmur, everything needs to be done at once (several teeth pulled, growth on gum removed and mammary tumors removed). My vet is quoting a high end of $1,800, which includes testing the tissue. Cold hearted people have suggested putting her down, but if you've met her, you KNOW that's not an option! She is happy and outside of those things, healthy! So, I would have to say that is probably my BIGGEST stress right now.




I'm also "cleaning house". I simply tired and worn out doing all of the work myself and having to constantly repeat myself on simple matters and just blatant disregard. Not only that, I continue to go in debt and have a LARGE and growing "balance owed" on the electric bill that I simply can't carry any more. So, everything is going to change, starting with taking my life back. Keep your ears open and pass any referrals on; I MAY even offer up a finders fee?

I've also resolved to get out more and get back the social life I put on the back burner for the past two years. I virtually stopped going to fund raisers, benefits and social events while trying to deal with my own "issues" and I think the healthy thing is to get back out there and work on networking again. Not only that, I may make some new business contacts and single friends (what I wouldn't GIVE for more single friends)!

And, of course, the big question you ladies and family ALWAYS have... and I wonder why you beat that dead horse (can't you just give it a rest; don't you know I'll shot it from the roof tops IF it ever happens)? Yes, I'm "seeing" someone... actually a couple of men (hmm, one of them almost a year!). NO, I do not hear wedding bells (you would think after the two I was engaged to before you wouldn't even ask that!). I'm content with what I'm involved in at the moment. Sure, it gets lonely, but it's working for the most part. I already lost the love of my life (yes, he does exist) and I'm pretty sure he has no intentions of returning in that aspect, so I'll live with what I can get. It's odd. You think about what you go through in relationships, the love and the loss... and I'd have to say, doing without is MUCH less painful. I can deal with lonely a lot easier than heartbreak; that's just something I never seem to get over. Truth be known, I'm not as tough as nails as I portray (though I do wear a good mask; it's mastery after a lifetime of doing so) and am a BIG softy at heart. And no, I haven't figured out men (and they haven't begun to figure me out), but removing the layers to the mystery sure is fun (lol - yes, there is a pun intended)!

So, all of that said.... I hope you have something exciting planned for 2009! I would LOVE to climb back out of the debt I've been pushed back into in the past year and a half (and here I thought when I came out of bankruptcy that was the start), I'd like to make a trip to England to visit a new friend and catch up with an old one, and I'd love to learn how to move on past some things. Everything comes in it's own time, though; if I've learned anything, the universe has a much different time frame than I do. Salute and here's to the successes and inner strength we all need to make it through another year :).

It Was Two Years Ago Today

Two years ago, today, I lost the best friend, companion, baby and soul mate I could have asked for (as a matter of fact I did- ha, ha). About 18 years ago I was having a "heart to heart" with the powers that be, doing what every young woman does, requesting a mate . I was requesting someone who would love me unconditionally, be strong, stand by me, never run away or be afraid of my inner strength, be handsome and debonair and always protect me. The lesson I learned from that request was to be VERY specific about what you're asking for. That wish did come true.... in the form of a dog!

I am FOREVER grateful for the gift he was in my life! WE vacationed, traveled, played and had some great memories together. He was a rescued dog that they had difficulty placed, and hesitated showing me, stating that he wasn't too welcoming to new people. When I arrived at the foster home he was at, this "little man" came prancing over from the backyard, tail wagging, and when I opened my car door, he hopped right in as if to say "Let's go!". It took me off guard and his foster mother who didn't hesitate to let me take him home that day.

We did have our trials as he didn't like ANY other dogs (with the exception of maybe 5) and his health was always in check due to disk displaysia. I thought I'd almost lost him once before in Pittsburgh because the pain was so bad they admitted him to the vet hospital for 3 days to calm him and allow the disk to hopefully slip back into place (anyone with Dachshunds knows what I'm talking about). When one of his episodes would flare up, it would break my heart, his cries sounding like that of a wounded baby seal. But, I wouldn't have traded him for the world!



Anyone who knew or ever met Jake knew he was all of those things and then some. He saved my life more than once and was as devoted to me as I was to him to the very end. The most DIFFICULT decision I ever had to make was choosing to end his pain. I thought I had more time, but his body decided otherwise. On June 5, 2006, Jake quietly passed away in my arms at the vets office. All at once I felt such a flood of emotion- loss, grief, relief and love. Part of me felt like I had given up on him, yet I was constantly reassured I had made the right choice. (and I cry now as I write this)

It's two years today that I lost my baby. At 15, he lead a great life and was pretty pampered, ask my friends. He enjoyed being the "co-pilot" in the car and went with me on business trips. Bein g the 'gentleman' he was, he was the ONLY canine guest welcome at two of the Inns I frequented. In many cases, on my business travels, the inn keepers appeared to be more eager to see HIM again than me .

He holds a place of honor on a shelf in my room, an urn, his photo, paw print and "Pooka" (bear) there looking over and still protecting me. I have two new additions, though they will never replace him. Sophie is my "little girl" and ever fragile and genteel... and then there's Basil... all I can say is that for his cute and cuddly qualities, he is definitely the "trouble child" who tests me daily and is no Jake. But, it's time for a new generation and to share the love elsewhere. But Jake will ALWAYS be a part of my heart.