Friday, August 29, 2008

GREAT Old Movies!

I was going through a lot of my old black and white VHS' that I had recorded, seeing if any of them are still in viewable condition (some are over 15 years old!) MAN those were some great classics! My favorite actresses were Veronica Lake - of course! - So Proudly We Hail, I Married a Witch, Sullivan's Travels. Then there's Claudette Colbert, also in So Proudly We Hail and The Guilded Lily. And I can't forget Merle Oberon! She was in one of the first movies that got me hooked on the classics, These Three, which lead to Wuthering Heights, 'Til We Meet Again, The Scarlet Pimpernal.

Of course I followed all of the leading ladies, icons of their time, portraying women of strength, courage... and guile :). Some of the tapes still work, a couple are better off ditching. I'll have to see if I can't find a collection of these on DVD somewhere! I could spend a whole, rainy afternoon watching them all! ~~~~~ I MUST go to bed now. If I don't it'll be another day of arriving late at work!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

It's Behind You, But Always There

I've been contemplating for a while now on rather to write about something that seemed to creep up out of nowhere. It always does, some how. I think it's a way of the Divine Mother's way of testing your strength and resistance, recalling acounts from the past that - for better or worse - changed your life.

One "anniversary" behind me, another slowly approaching. Being an active supporter and volunteer of RAINN and the Joyful Heart Foundation, I'm always aware of the events that are going on in my area and nationwide. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (hmm, how fitting?) and November is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. But, the 25th of September is RAINN Day on college campuses across the nation, bringing awareness to the prevelance of sexual assault to college age students. (Ironically enough, 9/25 is the anniversary of my first rape)

Being a proud survivor, supporter and speaker are just a few ways I have overcome those dark parts of my life and become the strong, independent woman I am today. But, this does not mean the events don't still linger there and that the "triggers" disappeared. Just last week I had someone - a woman no less - tell me it was something I had to "get over". My first instinct was "THE NERVE!". But then I understood that she had no idea what she was saying. Through all of my years of volunteer work and being a supporter of survivors like myself, that is the LAST thing you tell anyone who has endured a trauma.

As everyone knows, I can't stand smoking. For various reasons, but the last incident is pretty much the one that sealed the coffin on it. What started innocently enough, someone trying to "make amends" - for lack of better terminology - and be the sweet guy he is, set my mind in a tail spin of sorts. I've avoided it for years now, primarily the reason I won't date smokers; the lingering STENCH that stays on the hands and fingers after one has smoked a cigarette. If you're a smoker, you don't understand, but those of us who don't... you know what I'm talking about. It's a dirty, musty, chemical smell. It's the smell I remember before passing out after being "ruffied"... and the first one upon coming to.

That single incident of someone wanting to touch my cheek... and that "smell" set me off. It's a triggier I concsiously and sub-consiously have avoided for 7 years. It's one that seems to bring back the pain and memories more than anything else. Yes, I remember it like yesterday, but for years I've been able to compartimentalize it in a box and keep it away. There was no real emotion to it past dealing with it at the time it happened and the few months that followed. Now, just a memory of that smell.... and it makes my stomach turn and my head spin.

But, it doesn't seem to stop there... and I'm not really sure what kind of message the universe is trying to send me? A few weeks back I was scanning Facebook pages to see if there were any other people I knew networked among the friends I already had listed (Richmond is so small after all). And there he was. On another friend's page listed as her friend..... April 15, 2001... the same man who had drugged and raped me. It sent a chill through my body. I would pretty much expect no less, seeing as his father is a prominent Richmond businessman. But it sickened me all the same. The memories came flooding back in waves, what little there is to remember. He's the type of guy that people would say "Not him? He gets all kinds of girls!" (hmmm, wonder why!)

So you have these memories that creep in from the past. They are buried, but sometimes they come back to remind you they will never really be gone. Though the first rape over 15 years ago doesn't affect me anymore (I blamed myself for being too kind and concerned; yes, I know it's not my fault...), this one somehow still gets to me every now and again. Maybe it's because I thought I could trust the friends around me to look out for me (the restaurants owners, the bartenders I knew well, the friend I called in a panic when I knew the way I was feeling "wasn't right")? Or maybe it's because I had absolutely no control over the situation? Or perhaps because I couldn't prosecute him because of the drug? There are too many variables to psychoanylize, and trust me, I've been through it before.

But, how do you tell a man that a gesture of kindness he was making had absolutely nothing to do with him but some horrible event that happened years ago? Someone you're newly involved with doesn't want to hear deep stuff like that, regardless of how long you've known or seen each other. From the moment that event occured, everything between the two of us seems to have sped downhill. The irony is, he isn't even a "smoker" (in a smokers definition of the use)!

So, what is it the universe is trying to tell me? Am I suppose to be preparing for something bigger to come along? (I've gotta tell ya, my plate is pretty full already). And, how do you relay this information to someone and stress that you are NOT a victim? Yes, things happen; terrible, horrible, life altering events that shatter the person you were but make the person you become even stronger, in most cases. **SIGH** If there truly is justice out there, why isn't it more apparent and why do we push away those we really don't want to while trying to deal with and figure it all out?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Eight Medals, Well Deserved

Redemption. Karma. Only two words I can think of regarding the Balance Beam competition tonight. Shawn and Nastia for the most part nailed their routines, thereby winning the silver and gold medals. I love Nastia. Her moves are very poised and artistic. You can see the smooth movements and grace that make the event so beautiful. Shawn is a little firecracker, reminiscent of Mary Lou or Kerri. Nastia takes the edge for me because Shawn's moves come across a little robotic. My dad, however, favors Shawn because she always smiles. Maybe it's because she reminds him of my sister when she was a gymnast all those years ago? I do see the resemblance.


Shawn Johnson Bean Gold

Nastia Liukin Beam Silver


These young ladies made our country proud tonight. In the wake of the controversy with the young Chinese and the inexperienced judges, these young ladies portrayed themselves with dignity and grace. Shawn's gold was well deserved and Nastia did a beautiful job earning her silver. Will we see them in 2012 in London? Who knows. But this go around, they should be very proud of themselves. Congratulations, ladies!

Shawn Johnson Gold

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It's too hard.... :(

I'm trying... I REALLY am.... but it's killing me... I'm exhausted. Barely four hours sleep a night, not able to sleep in on the weekends like usual... it's my death. What you ask? The Olympics! (ha,ha,ha) I'm a HUGE supporter, I really am... but these late night "LIVE" re-runs are too much! They need to start showing them around 6pm. I LOVE gymnastics.... so much talent and skill involved in it. Sure, the swimming is great, but I'm SO right brain that it's all of the artistry of the gymnastic moves and strength that REALLY get me. And all of those "men" out there 'poo pooing' in the other night at the local watering hole? I'd like to see YOU try it (lol).

Alexander Artemev


Jonathan Horton


Raj Bhavsar


Kai Wen Tan


Justin Spring Alexander Artemev



'nough said! :-)

Of course, I just watched the guy from Japan rip loose from the rigns and fall like a ragdoll to the mat. I seriously feel for him- how devestating.

So, some closing thoughts for the night befor I totally CRASH and burn:
  • What does it mean when you have that "chill/tick/shake" for a split second?
  • Do men REALLY notice if you get a thorough pedicure?
  • What would happen if we DIDN'T have daylight savings?
  • If I won the $70,000,000 lotto this week, what should I do with the winnings?
  • Camping.... with or without an air mattress?
  • You catch, you clean, you kill (fishing, of course... what did you think I was talking about)?

Monday, August 11, 2008

TEAM USA GOLD, BABY!

I'm not a big fan of swimming (could have something to do with the first experience I had with swim lessons, the YMCA throwing me in saying swim to the edge), but I do LOVE to watch the "underdog" come from behind and nip an arrogant team in the bumm! Such was the event last night watching France taunt Team USA (Phelps, Lezak, Jones, Weber-Gale) telling them how much they sucked and would bury them.

The reaction from Phelps made the WHOLE EVENT worthwhile! The way Lezak pulled it out right there in the end... it had EVERYONE On thier feet... AND to break the world record! THIS is what the Olympics is all about!!! GO TEAM!!!

NEW Vacation Spot

I came across this while reading the AARP magazine yesterday (yeah, yeah - I know - insert joke "here"). This place is a little known hideaway off the coast of Brasil, a set of 21 Islands known as Fernando de Noronha. ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING! One day, I would LOVE to visit... and I hear it isn't expensive, either! If you're into scuba, deep sea diving, swimming with dolphins... this is aparently the place.






For those interested in more information, you can check out this link:
http://www.noronha.pe.gov.br/eng/ctudo-tourism-intro.asp

ENJOY!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

One World, One Dream

IT'S HERE! Though we will only be seeing the opening ceremonies beginning tomorrow night, the Opening Ceremonies of Olympics have already happened in China and the games are under way. I'm meeting my friend at the local pub tomorrow to watch the Opening Ceremonies being broadcast on NBC.

Queen Quedith Harrison


My all time FAVORITE sports of the Summer Olympics are gymnastics (men's and women's) and beach volleyball. I actually found out TODAY that the gal I work with has a NIECE competing! Talk about EXCITING! Her name is Queen Quedith Harrison and she's from right here in Richmond, VA. She'll be running in the Women's 400m Hurdles (even more surreal, she was born the year I graduated from high school!)


To check out the Olympics website, you can click on the following link: Beijing 2008 Olympics. Of course it's in Traditional Chinese, butther eis a link in the top right hand corner that you can click on to read it in English ***whew***. The mascots are adorable! Each one represents one of the elements or blessings (how cool is THAT!) It's very apparent just looking at them. Beibei is the blessing of Properity (water), Jingjing the blessing of Happiness (earth), Huanhuan the blessing of Passion (fire), Yingying the blessing of Health (air) and Nini the blessing of Good Luck (spirit).



The next exciting thing is that the gymnastics gets underway on Saturday! Heartbreaking to read was that Morgan Hamm withdrew today from competeing becauses of his ankle injury. Where that leaves the men's team, I'm not too sure. I was really looking forward to watching Morgan compete again (good ole Wisconsin boy that he is!). And Shawn Johnson is goign to be VERY exciting to watch! The next Mary Lou, perhaps?

2008 Men’s Olympic Gymnastics Team 2008 Women’s Olympic Gymnastics Team



Here's to all of the athelets from all of the nations around the world! Congratulations for making it this far and best of luck!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Mamma Mia!!!

I'm hooked! I went with the girls to go see "Mamma Mia" yesterday afternoon. I had always "poo pooed" the idea of the musical because I couldn't fathom making a musical of ABBA music. Now don't get me wrong- I LOVE ABBA, always have!



Sitting in the theater, it took me right back to the very first album I ever bought, at a garage sale: ABBA Arrival! And I was hooked! I sang, I laughed, I cried, I boogied in my seat (lol). Meryl Streep was HILARIOUS in the movie! I kept seeing my mom in MANY of the scenes, being silly, dancing like a dork, sticking her tongue out. Even she agreed. And I would NEVER pass up an afternoon with Pierce Brosnan (YUMM-O!)!!! His wife is a very lucky woman! I'll spare you the rest of the details ;)... hubba, hubba!

I ran out today and bought the soundtrack and can't get the songs out of my head (which is a hell of a lot better than that STUPID Flobots song "No Handlebars" which has been resonating there for days!). 'Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie!', 'Waterloo', 'Money, Money, Money', 'I Have a Dream'.... I've been singing all night and day. What a FUN movie! I highly recommend it to everyone!

Setting it in Greece was awesome. I loved the trail up to the church, the beautiful white and blue houses, Aphrodite (you have to see to understand) and the water. Jenni and I just love the culture there. Both mom AND Mary said "Both of you girls would fit right in!" (a little background. Mary, Jenni and I went to the movie. Mary is Jenni's mom. EVERYONE who sees us thinks Jenni, Mary and I are related......my mom is adopted. You put the puzzle pieces together). Now, if I can just find myself a handsome Greek to sweep me away to one of those beautiful islands....



Saturday, August 2, 2008

Welcome to my NEW Blog Home!

Welcome to my new home! I felt it was time for a change and a fresh start. I can't say I'll be any better at keeping up to date on the entries, because as of late, it's been C-R-A-Z-Y, but at least the layout is fresh and you can view some new pics in a slide show.

I know you're all DYING to know what's been going on since the surprising layoff. Bouncing right back like the pro I have become, I landed a contract job at the Federal Reserve Bank. I'm covering for someone out on maternity leave, but I'm staying very positive and doing what I do best - work my butt off and get things in line and organized and I've already 'WOWED' everyone I work with. We're hoping this will become something permanent as the Fed appears to be a VERY stable organization! Ahhh - to finally be free of potential lay-offs and enjoy what I do all in the same spin!

In the 5 weeks I was waiting for this opportunity to come along, I was actually able to fit in a mini-vacation to the OBX, which I haven't really been able to enjoy in YEARS! I worked on my GREAT tan, spent time with the kids I babysit, made some $$ on the side and was able to RELAX for a while. Despite the employment and financial set-back, the universe has been very good to me. I've finally been able to enjoy a summer after having missed the last two due to work hours. Being the sun worshiper that I am, all of the rays have helped with the depression, too.

And the all important question everyone always asks, "Am I seeing ANYONE?" Well, let me see? I see a lot of people! At the store, at work, while driving, while walking, on TV.... OH! You mean the OTHER kind of seeing! That, my dears, is a loaded question! Am I involved, in love and on the marriage track? HECK NO! But, I do have a couple (yes, meaning TWO) of "gentlemen friends" in my life at the moment and for the most part am very content with the state of affairs. They aren't beau's, boyfriend's, lover's or such.... simply wonderful men who put up with my shit and enjoy spending time with me and likewise. No stress, no mess, and it's just the way I like it... as Janet Jackson says "I'm in control"...lol, and they would probably agree, too :). Seriously, though, control meaning I won't get hurt, it's not serious and it's just the type of relationships I like. Though, I will admit, I have developed quite a fondness for the two and do miss them when I don't see them.

I hope everyone else is doing MAHvelous and will catch up to you all very soon!